I’m not one of those who tries to drill into others that you should always be thankful for what you have because there are people worse off than you. How on earth is a statement like that supposed to make you feel good? If anything, it makes you feel guilty and ashamed of being anything less than grateful.
In life, it’s OK to feel down in the dumps every now and again, and wanting more out of life is a GOOD thing. It can be what drives us to better ourselves and achieve our dreams and no one should ever make you feel guilty of wanting more than you have.
The ups and downs of life are what make us feel alive, they’re what makes us human.
There are times though that our minds can play tricks on us. We can feel like we’re alone when actually all we need to do is reach out to that friend who is literally waiting to hear from you. We can feel like it’s the end of the world, when really it’s just the end of a chapter in our lives and exciting possibilities are ahead.
Looking for those silver linings in life can be tough, but with practise it can be done.
Lately, after some problems from my “biological family” (I refer to them as that because the only thing we have in common is DNA), it left me feeling extremely alone and broken. It opened painful old wounds that I’d spent years in counselling trying to heal and left me feeling hurt and betrayed. For weeks I’d spend my days curled up in the foetal position crying into my pillow asking myself what I did to deserve this? The answer is, NOTHING. No one deserves to be betrayed so epically by people who are supposed to protect them. People who treat you so badly that you’re suicidal at seven years old are not fit to be in your life. So that’s what I did. I cut them out. I have no other dealings with them. It hurt, and in a way I am grieving for them, but for my own sanity I can’t have any more dealings with them for as long as I live.
I could literally write a whole book on that chapter of my life. It’s now in the past. It’s time to move on and put all that behind me. By allowing myself to get dragged down by the past, I can’t look ahead to the future. By wallowing, I’m letting them win. We can’t have that now, can we?
So I’m focussing on NOW and what’s good in my life now. I’m not going to feel guilty for wanting more out of life. It doesn’t make me ungrateful. It makes me human.
You know, when you come to think of it. Life is pretty good, and I’m grateful for everything in it.
My little self made family is all I need. They’re what keep me going when life gets too unbearable to handle. I’ve been engaged to Glyn for about a year now, and while we haven’t made any official wedding plans yet, looking ahead and planning is so much fun. He’s been my rock over the last few years. He inspires me to better myself and being with him makes me a better person. Then, there’s my daughter Holly. That girl is growing up to be an amazing little lady. She has me in stitches with her wit and I love her outlook on life. She’s beautiful outside and in and I worship the ground she walks on. And, lets not forget my fur-babies, Harry, Charlie and Poppy, who are always there when I need a cuddle.
I’m feeling very lucky to have some amazing people in my life too. I had to cut some friends out recently because I didn’t feel like I had anything in common with them. I didn’t feel like they were loyal or supported me, and they made me feel like I was second best. I’m a hard ass like that. After what I’ve been through, I really don’t have time for people who don’t inspire me or who make me feel less of what I am. Why should we keep people around who make you feel used, like crap and leave you out just because they’ve been there for a long time?
I’m now fortunate to have a bunch of people in my life who inspire me, and make me laugh. People whom I can talk for hours about things we’re passionate about. People who support me when I want to give up everything to chase my dreams… not make me feel guilty for it.
It’s little things that show how good a friend people are. You don’t have to talk to each other every day, but still being there to listen after all my “woe is me” rants and offering kind words and advice without being patronising means the world to me. Sending me flowers and buying me thoughtful gifts on my birthday. Spending hours talking about art, writing, photography and hatching plans for world domination and future business plans are what friendship is all about to me. So thank you so so much, from the bottom of my heart, ladies.
Everyone has demons in their past that they’d rather forget. And as tough as it is, if you REALLY focus on you life and live mindfully in the present, you’ll see that it’s actually pretty amazing. If you said to me ten years ago that I’d be engaged to a boy I had a crush on in primary school, in my second year of university and working as a graphic designer for an amazing agency… all while owning my own photography business and working on my own little entrepreneurial schemes for the future, I’d have probably laughed.
In a way, I’m even grateful for my past. It’s there, theres nothing I can do to change it. But in a way it’s made me the person I am today. I may seem weak at times but I’m really a strong person who won’t take any crap from anyone. I believe that life is too short to keep negative people in your life so I don’t form attachments to them. I’m more cautious of people and only let certain people get close to me.
Life in general for me right now is pretty amazing and I’m so grateful for everything, good and bad that’s happened to me. I still have a long way to go until I’m the person I want to be, but I don’t think I’ll ever settle. Why should you?
Sometimes the journey itself is more interesting than the destination.
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
Steffany x
