I’ve been a little quiet on social media lately. It’s been a rough few weeks. I started this year so hopeful and filled with ambition, then I was floored by the flu, which lead to a pretty nasty ear infection. While I’m feeling better physically, because I’ve been cooped up it’s left me feeling pretty anxious and depressed.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I suffer from bouts of depression from time to time. I gave up on medication and counselling years ago because I didn’t feel like they helped me. Pills made me feel numb. While I was able to function day to day, I felt nothing. I was numb and clouded. As someone who is creative, I need my emotions to get by.
Counselling helped for a while. It was good to talk. Not just make small talk with someone. I didn’t want to trouble my friends because, at times I felt they were getting sick of my complaining and moaning. Some drifted away, others just left completely. So having someone, non judgemental, to listen to me was great for a while. Then, after a few sessions, I found they were getting repetitive. He’d start going on about things I didn’t feel were helping me. After he was running 40 minutes late for our appointment, and he pretty much just repeated everything from the last session, I knew it was time to call it quits.
So, lately I’ve been having a pretty bad bout, brought on by being sick… which was probably brought on by over doing it and not taking care of myself. It’s been a bad one. Getting out of bed each day is a huge effort. And, while I hate to admit this, I have wished I was dead at times. I’d NEVER do anything like that… but sometimes feeling so exhausted and fed up that you don’t feel like you can go on anymore happens.
I’ve had a bit of a wake up call. I’ve missed two weeks of work and uni, and while I’ve done some work from home, its not at a level that I’m happy with. So, it’s time that I got my act together.
I’m going to be catching up on my uni assignments and getting my work up to scratch. I’ve cut my hours at work for a little while so that I’m not over doing it. And as for my own business dreams, I’ve realised that I don’t have to rush with it all. While I’d love to be making thousands from photography, designing and blogging… I need to understand that success won’t happen over night. But if I do want success, I have to focus and try to find ways to fit everything in with my life in a way that won’t overwhelm me.
Sitting around, feeling sorry for yourself and stuffing your face with doritos won’t really get you anywhere in life, will it?
I’m hoping to post here more often so I have to find ways to organise my life a little better and focus. Concentration is difficult at the moment. My brain feels like a big swirly mess right now.
Do you have any tips for dealing with depression? How do you manage to concentrate when your mind isn’t working as it should. I’d love to hear in the comments.
Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Writing things down is my therapy. I’m taking steps to get better, and should be back on my feet in no time. While a holiday somewhere hot and quiet isn’t doable right now, I’m taking care of myself and resting when I can.
Talk soon x