Losing people you care about is hard. Especially so when people you care about suddenly decide they don’t want you in their lives anymore. Whether it’s the break down of a relationship, losing a loved one or a friendship coming to an end. It really hurts.
I’ve dealt with a LOT of loss and rejection in my life. My mother died, my family didn’t want me. I spent time in foster homes. Then they did want me… then they didn’t. I’ve broken up with boyfriends, I’ve been dumped. Everyone goes through rejection in their lives. I’m not the first and I won’t be the last. It’s part of life.
Recently, I lost some good friends. People I saw as practically family. But it was one-sided. For the last few months of our friendships, I heard less and less from some of them. They didn’t invite me to events with their other friends almost as if they were ashamed of me. I was always there to help them with their careers but I think when they decided to take a different path in life they didn’t need me anymore. One got dumped by her boyfriend and dealt with that rejection by rejecting the people who cared about her the most. Another ghosted me altogether and one turned really nasty when I told them I felt exploited and used.
I’m not gonna lie I was heartbroken. They were like family to me.
But thinking about those relationships, they were toxic. I allowed people to use me to further their own dreams and careers. Whilst I’m sure they did care about me as a person, I was never important to them. They had no respect for me. Whenever I called them out on anything they’d turn it around on me and I’d end up apologising for being ignored or constantly let down. Like their negative behaviour was somehow MY FAULT. Narcissistic much?
Sometimes a rejection can be a good thing. When one door closes, another one opens and since then I’ve connected with other people and feel like I have people in my life who value my time and friendship. Not helping them with their businesses has left me with time to focus on mine. I have to space to focus on me and my own life.
Rejection sucks though no matter who it’s from. Here are a few tips I’ve learned to deal with it.
Don’t get revenge, get better.
The temptation to do something to hurt these people as much as they hurt you can be irresistible. But in the long run, it doesn’t do anyone any favours. The best thing to do is focus on your own life and focus all that energy on bettering yourself and your own life. The thing about success is that it brings people out of the woodwork who in the past never gave you the time of day. The feeling of rejecting them back is so much more delicious than some name calling anyway.
It’s all too easy to take it personally and think that you’re the one with something wrong with you. But it’s more of a reflection of the people doing the rejecting… not you. They’re not good people and you’re better off without them in your life. You deserve to only have people around you who know just how amazing you really are. Any self-respecting person wouldn’t allow anyone to ignore them or make them feel bad about themselves. Spend some time reminding yourself how awesome you are.
Forgive, but don’t forget
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean letting them back into your life. It’s accepting their behaviour and putting it in the past where it belongs. Be at peace with them, wish them all the best for the future and get on with your life.
It’s normal to feel angry and hurt. But letting it go on for too long can have a negative impact. I’m guilty of brooding over things and dwelling on the past. We all are sometimes. But try not to let it happen too often. Go out with friends, have some fun. Do something to distract yourself when those feelings start creeping back in.
Delete these people from your life completely and don’t let them crawl back in. Your life is way too precious to allow anyone in it who makes you feel bad constantly. Delete them from your social media, remove their contact details from your phone. Try to avoid contact with them altogether. It helps you heal faster if you’re not bombarded by reminders of them. If you’re really sure that the relationship is over… get rid of everything that ties you to them. It’s hard but you’ll be so much lighter for it.
Talk it out
Find someone to talk about it all to. Sometimes letting out the pain can be a huge boost. Go out for a drink with a friend, write it in a diary. Just get it all out of your system.
Most of all… you are amazing and you only deserve people in your life who appreciate that. Anyone else just has to go.
Have you ever felt rejected? How have you dealt with it? Let me know in the comments.